She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
