Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
