Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
