Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
