we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
