i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Floor bacon is actually really good
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