She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
it was like eating out sand paper
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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