what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
