How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
