Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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