The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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