drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
