Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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