I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize