Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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