hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
