he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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