I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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