remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
