New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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