That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
