i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
