My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
please come you make the beer taste better
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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