i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
