i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
