No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
