I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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