I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
