She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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