Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
