Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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