I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize