I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
