my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
