Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
