My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
