How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
