What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he just fucked me for my cheese..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
