Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
