i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
