I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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