Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
