She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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