I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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