I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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