I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
