we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
