Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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