garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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