my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
