I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
