I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Say something about gay babies.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
