i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
