some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
