after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
