i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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