foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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