i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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