well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
