i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize