I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
