Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
