Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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