I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize