watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
