just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
