It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
